The Spending Review
So here’s that spending review in full...
The very rich will have to pay more (but not so they’ll notice), the very lazy will have to work more, the very old will have to work even longer, the police will have to spend less time manipulating crime figures, bankers will have to reconsider their bonuses (but not too much), the Royal family will have to dip into their own pockets, local councils will be forced to spend less on chauffeur-driven cars, foreign fact-finding missions and choose cheaper biscuits for their meetings, spies will have to become private investigators, NHS consultants will have to spend less time playing golf and doing private work, Scotland and Wales will have to start financing independence themselves, students wanting to doss for three years at our expense will have to think again, Dictators in war-torn and poverty-stricken countries can rest easy, teachers can continue to work for 35 weeks of the year, British sport will no longer have the funds to go for gold in 2012, people looking to get on the property ladder will have to continue paying their parents rent, private landlords can lick their lips, the U.S. will have to find itself a new ally, quangos have been tangoed, those in the Territorial Army will have to find another fancy dress party to go to, sailors will have to find gainful employment at the dockside, the new aircraft carrier will have to be hired out for parties, and anyone who works in the paperclip monitoring department of a public sector organisation hasn’t got a prayer.
